Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Naked Quiz

By Cornelia Read

Still deadlining like crazy. So I've been thinking of some questions to throw at you guys.

1. You have been assigned to buy a baseball cap for the Dalai Lama. Which team's hat do you feel would be most appropriate, and why?

2. If mechanical dependency were no object, would you rather own this VW:

Or this woodie?:

(Is dependency even a word, outside the drug world? I'm so confused.)

3. If you could find out what really happened in the case of one single true crime, which crime would it be?

4. A tiny genie shows up on the beach while you're napping. She pokes you in the shoulder and wakes you up. You are offered a million dollars, but you must give it to a single charity (magically, every dollar will actually go toward helping those whom the charity was founded to help). Which cause do you support?

5. Tiny Genie is pleased with your choice. She allows you to pick one of the following, which will run perfectly and never need any expensive mechanical support.

Do you want the Porsche 356A:

Or the Jaguar XK 150?

6. You can banish one song from all radio stations forever. Which song is it?

7. Which do you generally find the most annoying:


Or clowns?

8. If you could choose one book to read all over again, for the very first time, which book would it be?

9. Two men want to date your teenage daughter:

Keith Richards

and Dick Cheney.

Which one do you shoot first?


  1. Oh, I love this quiz ;-)

    1. Oakland A's - they're not too obnoxious - small salary cap, decent management and ownership.

    2. The VW - If I had to make that particular choice, I suspect the VW would be doubling as my residence, and it's roomier.

    3. The Kennedy assassination, to finally put it all to rest.

    4. Autism research

    5. The Jag. Definitely the Jag.

    6. "She's Having My Baby" by Paul Anka. That sucker makes me homicidal.

    7. I actually find clowns more annoying. You buy a poet a drink, they'll go into a corner and whine quietly. Clowns are too in-your-face.

    8. The Lord of the Rings

    9. Cheney. And I would never try to shoot Keith Richards; he's way too cool.

  2. 1. Chicago Cubs (they need all the karma they can get, even though I root for the Detroit Tigers).

    2. You call that a choice? Okay, the VW.

    3. Kennedy assassination. I want the CIA's records opened wide on this, especially regarding Oswald's little sojourn to Russia and Cuba.

    4. Alzheimer's research.

    5. I prefer Porsche to Jag, except I don't much like that model Porsche, so in this limited situation, the Jag.

    6. Anything (or everything) by Celine Dion, Britney Spears and Madonna.

    7. Clowns.

    8. Bag of Bones by Stephen King

    9. Cheney.

  3. Had to put my thinking cap on for this one: still waiting for the coffee to brew. :-D

    1. Not sure, so I'll go with local flavour and say Red Sox.

    2. The Woodie. I spent too much time in VW buses as a kid, my family owned a couple. The best one was a burnt orange twin cab utility (ute) vehicle. Think truck.

    3. Yep, who shot JFK is first on my list too. :-D

    4. Ditto. Autism research!

    5. The Porsche looks cute, but I think I'll take the classy Jag. Ooh.

    6. "The Christmas Shoes" or "Butterfly Kisses". These can make one suicidal during the Christmas season when they play Christmas songs from middle of November to Christmas night. Urk.

    7. Clowns. I'm not afraid of them, but they are very annoying. At least you can argue philosophy and meter with a poet and still be entertained. If not, give him more booze.

    8. Mary Grant Bruce's "Captain Jim".

    9. Shoot Cheyney. Richards is still cool for an old geezer. :-D

  4. I'd like to occupy your mind for just an hour or so, Ms. C. Uber creative as usual.

    1. Christopherson's Tackle & Bait, Alexandria, MN. I'm sure they have them in saffron. Sure to impress and inspire during negotiations with the Chinese.

    2. Woodie

    3. Black Dalia

    4. Macular degeneration research

    5. Porsche

    6. John Tesh's greatest hits

    7. Clowns, but not so much

    8. War and Peace...just joking

    9. The Dick

  5. HAH! Good one. Here goes:

    1. Pittsburgh Pirates - they need all the help they can get.

    2. The Woodie - those vans are too floaty.

    3. Hmmmm. For the sake of variety, I'll go with Jon Benet.

    4. Breast Cancer

    5. Totally the Jag.

    6. "I've Never Been To Me" Blech. I'm hoping it's far enough out of the rotation that many people won't even recognize it.

    7. Clowns. Have you seen the Baby at the Computer ad with the clown? Hilarious and true.

    8. To Kill a Mockingbird

    9. Cheney. I'll take any reason.

    Kathy Sweeney

  6. This is fun.

    1. The St. Louis Cardinals, although I don't know why.

    2. Woodie. Definitely. It reminds me of that Don Knotts movie, Private Eyes.

    3. Kennedy assasination.

    4. Alzheimer's research.

    5. The Jag.

    6. So many bad 80s songs, it's making my head hurt trying to choose just one. Probably something by Men at Work or Stray Cats.

    7. Clowns. They try too hard

    8. Anne of Green Gables

    9. Cheney.

  7. I'm noting a trend in Keith Richards v. Dick Cheney answers.

    Somebody's gotta make up a T-shirt.

  8. I always thought he needed a BROOKLYN Dodgers hat, because of the whole exile thing.

    I'm loving all these answers!!!

  9. what fun!

    1. I don't follow sports so I'll go local: the SF Giants.

    2. I'll pass on both choices since I'm getting a porsche in question 5.

    3. Jon-Benet Ramsey for sure. It is unbelievable that someone could kill a child and never face any consequences for it. In my mind, the Kennedy assassination has already been put to rest.

    4. AIDS orphans in Africa and Asia

    5. The porsche

    6. "hero" by Enrique Ingelesias - I've almost gotten in a car accident fighting over the radio with my husband to change the channel away from that . . . . song.

    7. clowns are creepy.

    8. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl

    9. I'm no fan of Cheney but I don't want a pretend daughter anywhere near Keith Richards. Sure you can't get venereal disease from shaking hands but why risk it?

    Karen C.

  10. from Jacqueline

    Ok, here's the numero uno answer for me - I would have the Jag. No two ways about it. I know "feed the cat" takes on a whole new meaning with a Jag, but this was one really cool motor.

    I would also take a Woody over a VW bus - it has that shooting brake thing going for it.

    I would give the genie money to research into the causes of either ovarian or pancreatic cancer.

    I would do away with Dick Cheney in a heartbeat and if I had a daughter for him to come anywhere near ... well, you don't want to know what I'd do.

    I have always thought clowns were really, really weird and don't like them at all.

    And I would read 101 Dalmations again and again - which is what I did when I could count my age in a single digit.

    And about that Kennedy business, well, I used to ride regularly with a woman who worked in some sort of key national security position and because I know no fear (though I perhaps should have, at the time) and because people get pally when riding through the woods talking about horses, I asked her, out of the blue, "So, who did it then, you know, the Kennedy thing?"
    And wouldn't you know - she told me!

    However, the one case I would like solved is the one involving a girl in my class at school. She was murdered in the woods close to my home and her murderer was never found. I often think back to her sweet face and remember her soft voice and trusting soul. She was eleven years old.

    And seeing as I am on a bone-crushing deadline too, this just shows that I will take any distraction and run with it!

    Oh, and I would never put a baseball cap on the Dalai Lama. I think he might be more of a fedora kind of guy.

  11. I read somewhere if you hold your hand up to a portrait and cover one side in turn and think how the face would look with each side mirrored - one side of the face to supposed to show the inner personality and the other the side one shows to the public. Do that to Cheney's left side in that photo of him and creep yourself out totally.
    Echoing the chorus: the Jag, Woodie, and JFK's murder.
    Donation to a church in Minnesota which helps to sponsor and settle political refugees from Burma in the USA.
    Clowns with colorful faces simply remind me of that creepy one who murdered children in the Midwest.
    The Dalai Lama might like a Padres cap - he does have a giggly sense of humor.

  12. 1. The god-who-are-they-now LA Angels because they have a halo on the stupid hats and well, gosh, he's so adorable.
    2. The woodie - it's got more interesting STUFF on it.
    3. Oh shit oh shit oh shit ONE????? Um, Lizzie Borden. No! Amelia Earhart. No, no. Lizzie Borden.
    4. Oh this one's even HARDER dammit. Amnesty International. No wait...habitat (oh but I hate the bible thing), no wait, Emergency communities serving the 9th ward in New Orleans, no wait....the ACLU no um.
    Aren't you glad I'm so decisive?
    5 Sigh. neither has a wheelchair lift. Stu probably would like the Jag more though.
    6. "Having my Baby". No wait, "Watching Scotty Grow" no....wait....anything by Eminem or that talks about hos, babymamas or bitches, no it's "Having my Baby".....
    7. Clowns
    8. Ohhh nice one. Peter Beagle's I See By My Outfit or Anne Lamott's Hard Laughter.
    9.don't be silly. Keith can HAVE my daughter if that's the choice

  13. 1.....a Haight Ashbury Baseball cap....either that or a ying/yang logo
    2.VW bus
    3.I'll go with Go-Lo and the Black Dahlia
    4. Green Peace
    5.Since there was no indication that the 356a came with the cute flight attendant,AND because you advised us that either would be MAINTENANCE FREE, I'll choose the XK150
    6. Along with a few others which have already been mentioned, Send in the Clowns
    7. Clowns.....didn't like 'em in that song either.
    8.Les Miserables
    9. Since Keith Richards has demonstrated that thousands of grams of coke, heroin, or other "recreational" drugs haven't killed him......why even try. Clearly Dick needs to be treated like he treated his friend and should be "accidentally" shot [7 times].


  14. I love you guys. You make my day. :-D

    PS: Crushing deadline, Our J.? Then this isn't a good time to ask about the status of the village bobby, huh? :-D

  15. Cornelia, you're always a blast! Lillian and I answered it together, and I've got another friend on IM doing this as well. Here goes:

    1. I have no answer because I don't much follow sports, and neither does Lillian. But Dru says the NY Mets as a representative of the general US.

    2. I think the woodie's cool and Dru agrees because she's ridden in VW vans, but Lillian says you can pack more stuff in a van. She's so practical!

    3. Lillian and I agree about the Kennedy assassination, but since everyone else will know the answer, I wanna know who Jack the Ripper was. And Dru agrees about wanting the answers about JonBenet.

    4. Support for victims of domestic violence, from Lillian and me. With reason. Otherwise breast cancer research, again, with reasonl. Dru wants hers to go to an orphanage.

    5. Dru and I say Jag, but Lillian's holding out for the Porsche.

    6. From my point of view, "Feeeelllinngss" HAS to vanish. Lillian can't decide and Dru says "Loving You (Is Easy 'Cause You're Beautiful)" is screamy and has to go.

    7. Hands down clowns. They hide behind their masks and you can't trust them.

    8. I don't know. I love so many books, and I'd love to have the joy of reading them again with fresh eyes. Lillian's not sure either, but Dru says "The Stand".

    9. Cheney goes. Lillian and I both have boys but we figure any girl can out-run Richards, and Dru says her daughter can date Keith after they have LONG talks about protection. Frankly, I've met Dru's daughter. She can take care of herself! But Dru says that in general, she'll take any musician over a politician.

    WHAT FUN!! Thank you!

  16. 1. You know the Dalai Lama is a Cubs fan.
    2. The woodie.
    3. Aimee Semple McPherson's disappearance/kidnapping.
    4. Literacy Volunteers of America.
    5. The Jag, of COURSE
    6. "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
    7. Clowns are worse. At least poets have a sense of humor.
    8. THE FRENCH LIEUTENANT'S WOMAN by John Fowles -- I was too young to get it when I first read it, and wish I could meet it for the first time now.
    9. Shoot Cheney, date Keith Richards myself.


  17. Love you and your funny brain, Miss C.!
    -Some minor league team like the Savannah Sand Gnats for the DL because of the whole humility and toiling in obscurity thing....
    -The Woodie, -The Jag, --- I want to know the truth, as in the assholes have to allocute for : JFK, Jon Benet, Natalie Holloway, Nicole S & Ron (we KNOW who did it but I want to hear oj tell the world.....) and the Lindberg Baby and ..... Phil Specter and Robert Blake and all-- I want them to take truth serum and spill it and then get locked UP!

    Money to magically promote education so everyone gets SMARTER and we can solve more of our dread problems.....

    Cheney must be shot.

    anything by Captain & Tenille or Paul Anka or Barry Manilow or.....


  18. oops-- and clowns always make me think of John Wayne Gacy, Chicago area serial killer clown.....

  19. Both a day late and a dollar short:

    1. St. Louis Cardinals. They're small market, and still compete with the big guys.

    2. Having a Woodie at hand is always handy.

    3. JFK is so well covered that I'd go with O.J. I know that everyone assumes that he did it, but I'd like to know for sure.

    4 The Infectiuous Disease Dysplasia Clinic.

    Dr. Lori Panther (HIV research) is a childhood neighbor and classmate.

    5. The Jag....unless the flight attendant ('stewardess' then) comes with the Porche. That Jag has style...and so does the stew.

    6. Anything by Meat Loaf, especially Paradise by the Dash Board Light. I worked for three years at a place where the satellite music jock had a pathological need to toss some Loaf in every hour or a captive audience, decided aversion therapy.

    7. Can't say I've ever found either annoying...unless it was a drunken, clowning poet intent upon broadcasting his own doggerel.

    8. Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone, partly 'cause that means I get the other six free, too. :o)

    9. Cheney--that's obvious, because if I shot Richards first, the Secret Service would be all over me before I reloaded.

    Besides, my imaginary wife would probably have Keith's, attention.

  20. I can't believe I almost missed this one!
    1. Oakland A's. Getting back to fundamentals! (OK, I'm a sports moron, I admit it.)

    2. The woodie.

    3. Jack the Ripper.

    4. Homeless and abused children.

    5. Porsche. Jags are for twinks.

    6. You Can Ring My Bell

    7. Clowns. But it's a tough call.

    8. Pride and Prejudice.

    9. The aptly named Dick. But again, a tough call.

  21. 1) I'm a die hard cubs fan so i might buy him a cubbies cap but if i had to pick one in this situation, the new york yankees. every that isn't from the u.s. pretty much loves new york.

    2) Woody.

    3) Same with everybody else.. Kennedy assassination.

    4) Cystic Fibrosis or more research on different cancers.

    5) The porshe

    6) i am a big stones fan but i absolutely hate "start me up". i also do not like billie jean

    7) clowns, poetry is beautiful.

    8)The old man and the sea, By Ernest Hemingway. best book i have read by an extraordinary percentage

    9) Cheney, like i said earlier, im a huge stones fan, and, i'm named after keith richards, hes like my idol