Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Ship of Big, Fat Fools

From Paul Levine


Let's talk about stupidity. Yes, Andy Rooney, I'm talking to you!

Rooney, who turns 90 in nine months, can remember the War of 1812 but not necessarily when it was fought. On "Sixty Minutes" last Sunday, Rooney said this:
"English is, by far, the best language."

How would he know? Does old Andy speak French? Latin? Swahili? Are the executives at CBS stupid or what? Oh, wait, those are the guys who brought us "Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites."

So who the heck is going to tell Rooney to hang up his frayed jock and go home? Time to putter around the house, talk to yourself ("You know what I don't like? Cereal boxes.") and collect balls of string.


Sixty-four per cent of Americans are overweight, and about half of those are obese. Obesity is defined as a body mass index of 30 or more. To put that in everyday terms: viewed from the rear, if a person has the wobbly gait of a prize bovine, that's obese.


Read these disturbing statistics from Nicholas Kristof in The New York Times.
"A Ohio University poll in 2006 found that 36 percent of Americans believed that federal officials assisted in the attacks on the twin towers or knowingly let them happen so that the U.S. could go to war in the Middle East.

Then there's this embarrassing fact about the United States in the 21st Century: Americans are as likely to believe in flying saucers as in evolution. Roughly 30 to 40 percent of Americans believe in each."


Another example of the endless and stubborn stupidity of this great ship of fools can be summed up quite concisely: George W. Bush.

Bon voyage,


  1. I believe UFO evolved then attacked the World Trade Center.


  2. I'd like to take a Weed-wacker to Andy Rooney's eyebrows.

  3. I'm with Born on this one. AND Patty.

    I've despised listening to Andy Rooney ever since his inane railing against people who work out in gyms one Sunday night--the day before they found that poor woman who'd been jogging in Central Park whose head had been bashed in with a brick.

  4. Actually, one of my brothers-in-law (the asshole, not the cool one) went on and on and on (I have it on videotape, oddly enough, since he was running his mouth in this vein while my kid was opening his birthday presents) about how the real reason behind the Oklahoma City federal building bombing was because the FBI office there had incriminating evidence that the FBI had poisoned George Bush (Senior) and Barbara Bush and even Millie, their dog, which is why they all had Grave's disease, and the bombing was the FBI's (or perhaps it was the elder Bush's administration?) way of covering up the conspiracy.

    So, ever since, I've decided that the vast majority of people are insane (with the questionable exception of, er, me) and the best I can do is keep my head down, my back to the wall and have someone taste my food before I eat it (just kidding).

  5. Mark,
    If I were you...

    I would be wary of going to your brother-in-law's house for a barbecue and eating his potato salad.

  6. We firmly believe around my house that Andy Rooney has some kind of incriminating pictures of someone high up in the CBS hierarchy. Blackmail is the only logical explanation for the continued presence of this senile rambling old coot on 60 Minutes (a show which, alas, has been going downhill for years anyway).

    As for the whole WTC conspiracy thing: I can never get anybody who believes in the lunatic theory that the WTC was brought down by controlled demolition charges to answer one question: how do you put hundreds of demo charges in one of the busiest buildings in the world without someone noticing?

  7. All of the "supposedly" news shows have deteriorated badly. Remember when 48 hours looked at issues instead of murder (I know I'm supposed to like it but...) Remember when 20 20wasn't a just a stage for John Stasshole?

  8. Dusty,

    A couple of weeks ago this topic came up at work...(large University Medical Center...note UNIVERSITY) and I asked that same question of a mouthbreather who believes that it was timed charges that brought down the WTC...her answer....

    That supposedly during the previous week there were several unexplained fire drills in the building.....WTF.

  9. I think George Bush would have engineered the whole thing if he wasn't the kind of guy who couldn't find his own ass if it didn't whistle.

  10. Doug: Oh for God's sake...even if there were such "unexplained fire drills" (and Id have to see some sources before I'd even admit that much), rigging demo charges to implode even a medium sized building into its own footprint takes days, sometimes weeks. WTF, indeed.

  11. Not that wing-nuts can ever be reasoned with, but.....

    I know someone associated with the building evacuation team at the WTC (and deal with these kinds of issues at my firm). There were many unannounced fire drills at the WTC after the first bombing attempt. After the first try, the people responsible for safety at the WTC realized that the evacuation time was way too slow, so they beefed up their evacuation plans and increased the frequency of their drills; activities which many credit for the relatively low number of casualties on 9/11 (not that that sort of number could ever be considered 'low')

  12. Just curious...if you don't like Rooney, why do you watch him?

    Not to argue with anyone. Not hardly.

    If the average IQ is 100, think of all of the smart people you know with an IQ well over 100--and realize that there must be an equal number below 100 to drag that number down.

    Funny that the "timed demolition charge" theory is one of the reasons put forth to dislike Bush, rather than support him.

    But if you see it in print, or in an e-mail, or hear it over a cold beer--then it must be true.

  13. Jeff: Rooney comes between the last 60 minutes story and 8:00, when we flip the channel and watch Thei Simpsons :-). Most times, we're not actually watching him, but we can hear him blathering as we get up to get a drink, let the dog in, feed the guinea pig, whatever.

  14. Dusty,

    I just chalked it up to the fact that she had probably never seen how slow union contractors work.

  15. I really enjoyed starting my day by reading Mr. Born's comment. I had a visual of the Roswell grays in my head. Sometimes it's best just to laugh at those who spout off such innane beliefs. I'm certainly not going to waste my breath argueing with them.

  16. Actually terrorist attacked, with the tacit consent of "the administration," way back in the late 50s. It started first with Colonel Sanders and his "secret" recipe.......it then proliferated into the American fast food diet: agent O....added secretly to all fast food, designed to make every American too obese to be of any resistance to the terrorist takeover......
    Oh.......... and Obama is really the Manchurian Candidate who is going to lead the fascist pig which is the USA to slaughter by the Muslims and the will of Allah----Allah be praised! .......Allah willing.


    PS: This is meant as a joke and merely a joke....it does not express the real beliefs held by this writer....certainly agree with Jeff's IQ point.

  17. Speaking as a fat yet smart person, I too am horrified by the overall stupidity of our President and population. I have actually MET and talked to people who don't believe in evolution ("I ain't related to no monkeys") and who believe that some combination of the US Govt and the World Jewish Conspiracy brought down the towers for some reason that escapes me.
    There is probably a substantial overlap with the people who think Obama is a Muslim and that we should build a wall across the Mexican border to repel sneaky illegals. Sigh.

    BTW, Frontline did a great piece refuting the WTC Conspiracy Nut Theories, a la the intellect-impaired Rosie O'Donnell, who opined that the steel beams would not have buckled from the structural damage or the 2000 degree fire from the loads of burning jet fuel.....