Tuesday, November 06, 2007

The Trouble with Notre Dame? Charlie Weis is a Slob

By Paul (Sports & Torts) Levine

We start with the proposition that this is a wacky year in college football. Forget Appalachian State upsetting Michigan and Stanford knocking U.S.C. from its perch.

Kansas has won more games than Nebraska and Notre Dame combined!


Yikes, what's happened to Notre Dame? The Fainting Irish are 1-8 and look incapable of beating the nuns from Lake Woebegone's "Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility."

You may think that the Golden Domers lost to Navy Saturday because coach Charlie Weis inexplicably eschewed the winning field goal with 45 seconds remaining and the ball at the Midshipmen 24-yard line. Instead, on fourth down, Weis called a pass play, and his quarterback was sacked by a blitzing -- and flying -- cornerback Ram Vela, below.


But NO. That's not the reason. Notre Dame lost because Charlie Weis is a sweatshirt-wearing slob who resembles my gym teacher at Hughesville High School, rather than a legendary coach at a storied institution.


Yes, I know Weis takes sartorial lessons from Bill ("Evil Empire") Bilichick. Unfortunately, Weis only copied the Patriots' slovenly dressing, not his precise coaching.

Compare the rotund Weis' wardrobe with that of three coaches enshrined in the College Football Hall of Fame. KNUTE ROCKNE

PAUL (BEAR) BRYANT


JOE PATERNO


BTW, this is what 110,000 fans look like at a Penn State White Out. (Thirty-seven second video).

There you have it, Charlie. Time to spiff up your duds, and recruit better, too. NEW RECRUIT: THE FULLBACK OF NOTRE DAME

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IN OTHER SPORTS NEWS...

A fashion show in Beijing featured models wearing dresses made solely of condoms.



Play safe.

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"I DREAMED I SAW JOE HILL LAST NIGHT, ALIVE AS YOU AND ME."

Gotta go. My WGA "strike captain" has assigned me to four hours on the picket line at CBS.

Paul

13 comments:

  1. James O. Born11/06/2007 6:13 AM

    Paul,
    Some how I knew your post might mention Notre Dame.

    Of course I had a good football weekend watching the Seminoles.

    Last night I heard Tony Cornheiser say ND would give Weis all kinds of slack because he was an alumni and considered "one of their own".

    I was sorry to see the New England Cheaters pull it out over the Colts and an upstanding, decent coach like Dungy. Then to have Belichek snub him after the game ar mid-field.

    Guess you can figure out I watch way too much football. Then listen to the coverage on Maimi's own WQAM with Mike Levine.

    Jim

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  2. patty smiley11/06/2007 6:52 AM

    Since I only watch football to see well-formed buns, I'll just say, Strike Safe. And many congrats on your son's success. Go Mike!

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  3. Hope you have fun picketing!! GIVE 'EM HELL!!!!

    That second condom dress gives a whole new meaning to the word "lei."

    YAY MIKE!!!

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  4. p.s. I'm flying to NYC today and won't have a computer, so am going to be slacking off on posting tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The flip side of the slob coach is Jack del Rio. Of course, his players are thugs and miscreants and the Jaguars season's in the toilet. But Jack's hair is perfect. Gotta love him.

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  6. Jack del Rio has one of the great all-time names in football.

    Re: Patty and "well-formed buns." I didn't realize the burgers and hot dogs were that good at the Coliseum.

    Cornelia, have a great trip. I'll be posting a "Strike Extra!" in your absence tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  7. No, no, no. I'm a Michigan STATE University alum, so despite (or even because) of Saturday's not-unexpected game, I CANNOT forget APPALACHIAN STATE VERSUS UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN.

    On to other things, how's your chanting coming?

    4 more cents!~ 4 more cents!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Weis also had some dark clouds over his 2002 weight loss operation.....seems like he's been in a losing frame of mind since then. I'm surprised that you, Paul, as "sports and torts," didn't point out his failed litigation for that "botched" gastric bypass operation.

    ND just doesn't have the recruiting...uh, I mean, recruiting head coachs formerly in the NFL. Ahhh, that recruiting powerhouse, Alabama, is having a banner year.
    Jon

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  9. Oh, Paul. And here I thought that Notre Dame's record was asign that there IS a God! Now you tell me that it's because Charlie Weis is a slob? My faith is failing me!

    Well, how do you explain corpulent Mark Mangino? Besides his marshmallow schedule, of course? Er, did you see the Kansas t-shirts? "My Coach can eat your Coach"?

    And Bill Callahan dresses reasonably spiffy...yet another sign that here is a God. My faith is saved!

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  10. And Paul, just how did you come to Google "Asian Models" and "Condoms"? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jon, Only interested in football malpractice. Not medical malpractice.

    Jeff, Doesn't everybody google "Asian models" and "condoms?"

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well, it was my impression that most of the women visiting this site found it by googling "Paul Levine" and "naked".

    ReplyDelete
  13. Jeff,
    Mark Mangino would still look like a triple cheeseburger, even in a suit and tie. He is apparently a fine coach.

    ReplyDelete