Wednesday, September 12, 2007

It's Twoo! It's Twoo!

By Cornelia

Patty's post this week got me thinking about bits of movie dialogue I've grown to love and cherish over the years. Here are some faves (most of the video clips are of different scenes than those quoted, just for fun):

A Thousand Clowns

Murray Burns: Better go to your room.

Nick: This is a one room apartment.

Murray Burns: OK, then go to your alcove.


Isaac Davis: Has anybody read that Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey? Y'know, I read this in the newspaper. We should go down there, get some guys together, y'know, get some bricks and baseball bats and really explain things to them.

Party Guest: There is this devastating satirical piece on that on the Op Ed page of the Times, it is devastating.

Isaac Davis: Well, a satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point.

(Even funnier in Italian, somehow)


Veronica Sawyer: [writing in diary] Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.

The Princess Bride

Westley: You're that smart?

Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?

Westley: Yes.

Vizzini: Morons.

Easy Rider

Billy: Hey, man. All we represent to them, man, is somebody who needs a haircut.

George Hanson: Oh, no. What you represent to them is freedom.

She Done Him Wrong

Captain Cummings [Cary Grant]: Haven't you ever met a man who could make you happy?

Lady Lou [West]: Sure. Lots of times.

A New Leaf

Henry Graham: Excuse me, you're not by any chance related to the Boston Hitlers?

The Pink Panther Strikes Again

Clouseau: Does your dog bite?

Hotel Clerk: No.

Clouseau: [bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.

[Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]

Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!

Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog

History of the World Part I

Oedipus: Donations for the blind?

Josephus: Hey, motherfucker!

Life of Brian

Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?

Animal House

Jennings: Teaching is just a way to pay the bills until I finish my novel.

Boon: How long you been workin' on it?

Jennings: Four and a half years.

Pinto: It must be very good.

Jennings: It's a piece of shit. Would anyone like to smoke some pot?


Marilyn Buckman: Cool is adorable. Adorable! Why didn't you write us when you had a son?

Larry Buckman: I didn't know myself until a couple of months ago. You see a few years ago, I was living in Vegas with this girl. Show girl. She was in that show 'Elvis On Ice'. Anywho, we drifted apart as people do in these complicated times and then a couple of months ago, she shows up with Cool and tells me "You watch him. I shot someone. I have to leave the country."


Carl Spackler: So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

City Slickers

Mitch Robbins: It's nothing to be ashamed of - I had the same problem.

Phil Berquist: Didn't you feel stupid; I mean, didn't you feel... inadequate?

Mitch Robbins: Yeah, for a while, but then I overcame it. Can I explain it to you again? I mean now promise me you won't get upset.

Phil Berquist: O.K.; it's not gonna to do any good.

Mitch Robbins: O.K., if you want to watch one show but record another show at the same time, the television set does not have to be on channel 3.

Phil Berquist: Yeah it does.

Mitch Robbins: No it doesn't.

Phil Berquist: It does.

Mitch Robbins: No, if you're watching what you're recording, then it has to be on 3.

Phil Berquist: What... the TV or... or the machine?

Mitch Robbins: The TV.

Phil Berquist: You're saying I can record something I'm not even watching?

Mitch Robbins: Yes, that's the point. You don't even need a TV to record.

Phil Berquist: How would I see it?

Mitch Robbins: Well to see it you need a TV.

Ed Furillo: Shut up! Just shut up! He doesn't get it! He'll never get it! It's been 4 hours! The cows can tape something by now! Forget about it please!

Phil Berquist: How do you do the clock?

Ed Furillo: You're dead. You are dead.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Mike Damone: First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.


  1. Oh Miss C, you made me laugh and reminisce at the same time. Thank you for that. I love all the old Mae West lines. Here's another favorite: "I wrote the story myself. It's all about a girl who lost her reputation but never missed it."

    Hope you had a great trip!!!

  2. Happy times quoting The Princess Bride with my kids. When they started walking to school themselves, the hubby always called after them, "Have fun storming the castle!"

    Sometime in the past few years it morphed into, "Be good and don't kiss the janitors!"

    But that's another story.

  3. Fun post Cornelia. Thanks.

    Best noir line (in film) ever. Two words: Lena Olin's, Mona Demarkov's reply to Gary Oldmn's, Jack Grimaldi, in Romeo is Bleeding.

    Jack: "So, you're the big gangster. I don't see it."

    Mona: "Keep lookin."

    Still gives me a chill. Olin's delivery was dead on.Two words, and you knew everything you needed to know about Mona. Mainly, run for your fucking life.

    Me, I woulda stood and took my medicine.

  4. Fun post! And just for grins, here are a few of my favorite Bette Davis quotes:

    From "All About Eve"

    "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!"

    Asked: Have you no human consideration?
    Margo Channing: Show me a human, and I might have!

    Other character: A Hollywood movie star just arrived.
    Margo Channing: Shucks, and I sent my autograph book to the cleaner.

    Forget the movie, but I love this one: "I'd like to kiss you, but I just washed my hair".

    I could go on, but I'll stop now...


  5. Patty, I love the Mae West one where a girl looks at her diamonds and goes something like "Goodness! Are those real?" and Mae says "Goodness had nothing to do with it..."

    Regina, "INCONCEIVABLE!"

    Jacky, I must see this movie and check out Mona for myself. Sounds awesome!

    Rae, ALL ABOUT EVE is so rich with good lines it makes me want to quote the entire script.

  6. Oh I am in tears! 1000 CLOWNS is so good it makes me want to cry just seeing that little clip. Ooh ooh, that "next morning" scene, after the "night before," where they act all strange with each other and your heart sinks into your feet, and then she runs back to him and they crack up and you realize they were just PLAYING WITH EACH OTHER? That still gives me a head rush. It's one of the finest scenes ever, ever written.

    "He likes to butt things with his head."
    "How proud you must be."

  7. One of my fave movie scenes is a quite little exchange of dialog in LAWRENCE OF ARABIA:

    Truly, now, you are a British Officer?


    From Cairo?


    You did not ride from Cairo?

    No. Thank Heavens. It's nine hundred
    miles; I came by boat.

    And before? From Britain?



    From Oxfordshire.

    Is that a desert country?

    No -- a fat country. Fat people.

    You are not fat?

    No. I'm different.


  8. I've never quite figured out why this makes me laugh as hard as it does. In Groundhog Day, during one of many suicide attempts, Bill Murray says to the groundhog, "Don't drive angry. Don't drive angry." Ironically, I could watch that movie over and over.

  9. Rebecca, I'm completely verklempt with the Clowns bonding. I LOVE that movie!!!

    Brett, one word: "Orrence!!"

    Karen, Bill Murray is God. Seriously.

  10. " When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV."

    Then the in-joke right after, which is that Rat's playing "Physical Graffiti".

    And of course, the other in-joke, which is the utter cluelessness of anyone who regards "Black Dog", "Rock and Roll" and 'The Battle of Evermore" as make-out tunes.

  11. Another great Pink Panther line: Clouseau's just fallen down a flight of stairs and utterly destroyed a piano. A horrified woman exclaims "That's a priceless Steinway!" To which Clouseau blithely replies "Not any more!"

  12. And Lawrence of Arabia: "I can't tell if you're a madman or just half-witted!"
    "I have that same problem, sir."

  13. And another great Lawrence quote:

    I know you're well-educated, Lawrence. It says so in your dossier.

  14. Sylvester Stallone regained his soul as a writer with this speech from "Rocky Baloba."

    Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.

    But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody.
    Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!

    The only kind of repect that matters is self-respect.

    Rocky Balboa 2006

  15. These are all great, Cornelia.

    Here's another favorite of mine:

    A proud landowner waves his hand across a window with a view of his fields.

    "Some day, son, all this will be yours"

    His son looks confused.

    "The curtains?"

    --Monty Python

  16. One of my favorite movies, "Ace in the Hole," is about Charles Tatum (Kirk Douglas), a corrupt reporter who keeps a trapped miner trapped so he can play the story for all it's worth.

    In an early scene, he's trying to get the editor of a newspaper to hire him:

    Tatum: I've done a lot of lying in my time. I've lied to men who wear belts. I've lied to men who wear suspenders. But I'd never be so stupid as to lie to a man who wears both belt and suspenders.

    Much later, he tries to get Lorraine, the miner's uncaring wife, to go to church because it'll enhance his story:

    Lorraine: I don't pray. Kneeling bags my nylons.

  17. Here's another one that's been in my head lately, so I returned here to post it:

    From Broadcast News:

    Wm Hurt: What do you do when your life exceeds your wildest dreams?

    Albt Brooks: Keep it to yourself!

    Oh oh oh, and the part where Brooks is singing in his apartment, is it French I think: "I can sing, while I read, I am singing, and reading BOTH!"

    And where Holly Hunter has to take the phone off the hook and weep for a few minutes to start her day.

    HEART that movie. Of course, I'm a huge sap.