Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Macho Senate Dems Spank Forgetful Al

By Paul

The Democrats are peeved that Alberto Gonzalez cannot recall who fired a slew of U.S. Attorneys and apparently also forget where he hid the key to the executive washroom. Yesterday, the Senate could only muster 53 votes (out of 60 needed) to tell the Attorney General that's he's a stinkeroo as head of the so-called Justice Department. But unknown to the mainstream media, the macho Senate Democrats unilaterally took action against the famed Bush messenger boy. ("Would somebody please wake up John Ashcroft? Or at least, pull out his tubes!")

In a righteous hissy fit, the Democratic majority placed Gonzalez on double secret probation.


As if we didn't know...

The Project for Excellence in Journalism reports that Fox News spends only half the time covering the disastrous war in Iraq as MSNBC and other cable news networks.

Here's a shot you WON'T see on Fox.

Here's a shot you WILL see on Fox.

Which, I ask our Naked Readers, is uglier?

As anyone who has watched television the last week can attest, Fox and the other cable networks have given substantially more time to the Paris Hilton saga than the war in Iraq. Which brings us to...

STOP THE PRESSES: Paris Hilton Finds God in Jail

After a weekend of hard time in the slammer, Paris Hilton has had a spiritual awakening. Yesterday, in a collect phone call, she told Barbara Walters: "God released me." (Even if the judge didn't). "My spirit or soul didn't like the way I was being seen."

Note that Ms. Hilton didn't say that God was unhappy with her actions, only the way those actions were perceived. Ah, but I nitpick.

Now, the young misdemeanant desires to do her full term. That hasn't stopped her cretinous admirers from begging Gov. Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris. They'll also sell you a "Free Paris" bracelet for 10 bucks. Not that it matters, but the website gets it wrong. Ms. Hilton was not jailed for "DUI," but rather for a violation of probation by driving (repeatedly) with a suspended license. At any rate, here's the preamble of the on-line petition:

The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite....She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.

Pardon moi. But my mundane life is about to hurl chunks.

We here at Naked Scribblers are sworn not to publish any photos of Ms. Hilton, with or without underwear. Therefore, we are forced to illustrate this story with a photo of our esteemed governor. First, an oldie...

And, more recently...

Yes, time is cruel. Let's put this in perspective. In the same era that our Governor-to-be was ingesting enough steroids to kill a herd of buffalo, bizarro record producer Phil Spector (now on trial for murder) was going through his urban cowboy phase.

And, more recently...

A question for our female readers. Would you go home from a club with this man at 3 a.m., knowing he'd consumed about 15 alcoholic beverages that evening and his "castle" was filled with loaded firearms (19 or 20) and at least one jumbo bottle of Viagra?



  1. Levine, your left-wing carping stinks like last week's snapper. Thank God for President Bush and his Attorney General. If you object to your phone being tapped, I wonder what the heck you’re saying.

    As for Phil Spector, a man’s got a right to keep 20 guns – or 200 guns – in his house. You’re supposed to be a lawyer. Read your Constitution, and if you don’t like it, move to Havana. They got real good gun control down there.

    And what did that bar “hostess” think she was getting into, trotting off to the little man’s house in the middle of the night? Was she surprised he put the moves on her? And maybe she enjoyed a little handgun foreplay, if you get my drift.

    Tell me, Levine. Are there any real Americans left in Hollywood, except for Charlton Heston and Bo Derek? The last time I was in your sorry excuse for an American city, I thought I’d landed in Tegucigalpa. From now on, when I got business on the Left-Wing Coast, I’m gonna travel through John Wayne Airport.

    God bless,

  2. Loved the before and after pictures. I wouldn't get into a limo with Phil for any reason, but I would have to say that about The Ahnode, too.

  3. from Jacqueline

    Thanks, Paul, for once again reminding us of the reality of war, and the role of the media - Fox in particular - in bringing less important stories to the fore. I am so heartily sick of our culture of celebrity.

    And speaking of the culture of celebrity, the Phil Spector (and what an aptly named strange old duck he is) story, and the “actress” who went home with him, reminds me of the lonely “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” poster.

    And Paul, I love it when you come out all guns blazing - on the page, that is - because it reminds me of that bumper sticker: If you aren't angry, then you're not paying attention. I, for one, am glad you're paying attention! Im glad you can see the irony along with tragedy, and can wake us all up in the morning - whether there are some of us who want to be woken up or not!

    You can probably guess, I wouldn't have let Phil, the Specter, come within three stretch-limos length of my person!

  4. Paul,
    I tried to leave this earlier but it didn't go through.

    Would you be willing to post a photo of yourself from the same era?

    I would, but you'd be disappointed.


  5. Jim,
    I have a moot court photo from 1971 in a baby blue double-knit suit and enough hair to stuff a pillow.

    Will that do?

  6. Paul, a right-on-the mark post with the marksmanship which would make Phil [the surreal] Spector proud....oh, wait a minute his was an accidental shooting, right?

    As for Earl [Mr "I'll paint anything any colour" Schieb] Gibbons' musings, I trust that he was a shill for one of today's hall of shame recipients.....either that or he's extremely tongue-in-cheek.

    And, for all those incarcerated with Miss Hilton [at a place a damn site better than that hotel in Hanoi, which bears her namesake]; they can all proclaim,"We'll always have Paris."

    Let's hope that Spanky can take time off from Our Gang and lead some bull whip yielding democrats on a roil to shape up Gonzales.......and in the immortal words of that celebrity "mother of my child" killer; You can take that to the bank.

    "Dear anonymous Jon"
    yes the same one from before

    PS: these comments are provided by a lay person and as such carry no warranty, implied or implicit. Taking said comments to heart is done solely at the risk and discretion of the reader.The reader shall hold this author inviolate for all harm or help which emanates from this post.

  7. jeez, when I feel slutty and go home with a stranger, I'm more hoping for some tongue in me rather than a 45 in my mouth. Call me old fashioned.