Thursday, June 07, 2007

It's time to get tough and take a stand.

A couple of Fridays ago the lovely Jackie Winspear pointed out that the President of Iraq, Jalal Talabani, was battling obesity and leaving the country for a three week stint at a fat farm. I felt for the man. I mean, there is a lot of food in the world. There are some great restaurants and don’t get me started on chocolate. But the svelte Ms. Winspear had a point. This little tub of lard should not have abandoned his country at such a critical time to look better for the ladies. So I had an epiphany (yes, I had to look up the spelling). I saw the light and decided I’d make a statement. I’d take a stand. I want to show the world that I do not support Mr. Talabani’s timing in his effort to look more like a Kurd.

While visiting Tallahassee recently I indulged in my favorite traveling activity. No not that and not drinking either. Those were favorites fifteen years ago. Now my favorite activity is eating breakfast at The Waffle House. Any restaurant that can include eggs, ham, waffles AND chili in one sitting is some kind of special place. I love the Waffle House. There are very few convenient ones in South Florida so I savor the treat when I’m somewhere else.

As I sat in the crowded Waffle House a few weeks ago, the day after Jackie’s post, I looked up from my hash browns with ham, onion, pepper, tomatoes, cheese and chili, to realize that at two hundred and five pounds, I was the smallest person in the entire building. There were people in there that carried their own cushioned chairs inside their expandable, polyester slacks. I started to think there might be a link between where I was eating and how people looked.

Then it came to me. The perfect cross of action and principal. Sort of a Lent and anti-Talabani protest wrapped into one; A boycott.

I will not eat at another Waffle House until one of three things happens. I weight 195 pounds. Mr. Talabani weighs 195 pounds or Mr. Talabani is killed. I feel confident that in the next year one of those events will occur and until it does please don’t invite me to have breakfast at a Waffle House with you.

I know this is a tough stance but I will not relent.

Even if I’m hungry.

Follow-up from last week

I told you I'd miss people who were helpful and not one way streets. One came to mind after he insinuated that it was a personal slight against him. It was not and to prove it I give you these two photos of a fine person, fine writer, fine American, fine redneck and two way street.

For identification keep reading but see if you can guess who this is.

He served in the U.S. army.

He has a well-read blog.

He may be crazy.

His book featured a piano playing hero.

He lives in North Carolina.

His last name is not Rhodes.

You don't want to see him mad.

Give up?

It is none other than David Terrenoire

How's that for a big photo!

He's the man. Master of A Dark Planet, author of Beneath a Panamanian Moon .

Father, husband, legend.

My apologies to all others I forgot to mention. David really is a generous, supportive writer who uses his blog for good rather than evil.

Until next Thursday,



  1. On Hell's Kitchen this past week (season premiere, gotta love Gordon Ramsay), one of the contestants is a Waffle House short order cook. Everyone else was ignoring her, because SHE WORKS AT WAFFLE HOUSE. But when no one could make a freakin' fried quail egg, she finally was allowed to step in...and fried the damn egg perfectly.

    I have lived in the South. I have eaten at Waffle House. Jim, stay away for a few weeks and you might be surprised how you lose that 10 pounds pretty quickly.

  2. I had no idea you were a chocoholic. Next time you're in LA, Paulie, Jackie, and I will take you on a tour of some spectacular artisan chocolate shops. And ask The Fabulous Renee for a review of those chocolate Teddy bears from K Chocolatier.

    I've never been to a Waffle House but your post forced me to take a stand, too. I'm going on a diet.

  3. To Iron-Stomach Jim,

    Purely to assist you, Jimbo, there's an Waffle House in Boynton Beach you may have missed. Try your usual. Chili, grits, and a double order of pecan waffles.

  4. I don't deserve to be mentioned in the same post as Waffle House. I'm not worthy.

  5. I am totally with you on the Team Terrenoire fan club, Mr. Born. He is wondrous.

    And the next time you're in California, I would like to take you to the House of Chicken and Waffles in Oakland, the place where you can get grits, collards, waffles, and fried chicken all on one plate for breakfast, with Sock-it-to-me Cake for dessert. Talabani is NOT invited. Also, there is the Scharffenberger Chocolate factory cafe. Talabani is not invited there, either.

  6. ...And after Cornelia stuffs your face in Oakland, I'll take you to "Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles."

    It's walking distance from the Sunset-Gower Studio where I last was gainfully employed. Walking distance, that is, before lunch. After lunch, you just roll back to work.


  7. I look forward to meals at any of the fine resturants you recommend.

    I do not go to the Boynton Beach Waffle house for cleanliness issues not tubby issues.


  8. David, I think we should name a waffle after you. You are SO WORTHY!

  9. I am totally with you on the Team Terrenoire fan club, Mr. Born. He is wondrous.

    What she said.

    Now, as to the original post, let me make sure I have this right, ate at a Waffle House--SOBER?

  10. Waffle Houses are so southern. We don't have them here in Michigan. Nor, for that matter, many iHops. There is, however, a pretty cool place in St. Ignace (just over the Mackinaw Bridge to the northern Peninsula) called Java Joe's. He's got all sorts of waffles. Including Mounds waffles or French toast--yup, coated with crunchy coconut and chocolate chips. God, my blood sugar goes sky high just thinking about it.

    By the way, recently read Escape Clause, my first Born. You rock, dude. Gotta get the rest of your books.

  11. Mark, That's really nice. I appreciate that.