Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Welcome, Special Agent James O. Born




By Paul

Jim Born is baring all. Stated another way, he's joining Naked Authors. Look for his first post on Thursday.

Since I've known Jim longer than the rest of the team, I've been chosen to introduce him. A cop for 20 years, Jim is a "Special Agent" with the FDLE, though I don't know what makes him so damn special.

(And no, Patty, the FDLE is not the "Florida Department of Lingerie Enthusiasts." It's the Florida Department of Law Enforcement).

Jim is also the acclaimed author of "Walking Money," "Shock Wave" and "Escape Clause." His much anticipated (by his creditors) "Field of Fire" will be on the shelves in about two weeks. Jim has a big national tour on tap, and I'm sure he'll be flogging and blogging the hell out of it shortly. Jim's work has often been compared to that of cop-turned-novelist Joseph Wambaugh. I'm not saying Jim's books have been compared favorably, but still...

Ah, but I jest. Joe Wambaugh says, "Jim Born really knows his cops and their turf." And blood-and-guts wordmeister Ken Bruen, who even eats his rice pudding hard-boiled, says "James O. Born is the future of crime fiction."

Jim is a resident of Palm Beach County, Florida and a family man with the requisite wife and two children. If you are unlucky enough to land on his e-mail list, you'll receive numerous mundane photos of their summer vacations. Here are some photos Jim won't send you.

First, a young Jim guards a massive load of pot. (News Update: the 50 missing kilos may have set back Jim's law enforcement career, but did not derail it.)



















Next, a more mature Jim Born busts Zoe Sharp and Laura Lippman for alleged "solicitation" in an insidious attempt to extort them into blurbing his latest novel.




Finally, Jim pulls the same stunt (which has become known as a "Sharp-Lippman") on Joe Wambaugh.



Because Jim travels heavily armed, I will have no more to say about him at this time. If you are dying for more information, you may try his website.

AND WHITHER JAMES GRIPPANDO?

Do not fear. Jim Grippando is not abandoning us. With rave reviews in his pocket and door-busting crowds in the stores, he's s currently touring with his new page-turner, "When Darkness Falls, and he's the featured thriller writer in February on the Barnes & Noble website. So, catch his blogs there. But come back here, because James will be posting in the nude whenever he has the chance.

HOMELAND INSECURITY

The A.P. reported last week:

"An elderly man who wrote in a letter to the editor about Saddam Hussein's execution that 'they hanged the wrong man' got a visit from Secret Service agents concerned he was threatening President Bush."

S.S. agents (Sorry, I mean, Secret Service agents) interrogated 81-year-old Dan Tilli of Bethlehem, PA, searched his apartment and took his photo. The agents then decided that Tilli posed no threat to President Bush and did not send the old codger to Guantanamo.

The story caught my eye, and not just because I was once married in a hotel in Bethlehem, PA, a story I will save for another time.

I was just wondering: What the hell's going on here?

Will the Secret Service interrogate me if I hit the President with an old Yiddish curse? Er zol vaksen vi a tsibeleh, mit dem kop in drerd! (He should grow like an onion, with his head in the ground!)

Note to Mr. Tilli. Do not wish ill health or misfortune upon President Bush. Under our Constitution, or what's left of it, he would be succeeded by Vice President Cheney. Unbeknownst to many, the President and Vice President occasionally hunt quail together. Here they are, from the V.P.'s point of view.


CARL HIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASEN ON CHENEY

For a pithy take on the “daffy disconnected mind” of Vice President Cheney, check out Carl Hiaasen’s excellent column"In Veep's World, We're Safer now than before Iraq" in Sunday’s Miami Herald.


MORE MIAMI: DAVE BARRY ON THE SUPER BOWL


For a wild and wacky welcome to Miami for Super Bowl visitors, check out Dave Barry’s
"Don't
Be Alarmed; Miami Isn't So Weird"
, also in Sunday's Herald. I should probably add that Dave's column was written before the City of Miami Commission proposed an "official celebration" with bands, food and t-shirts when Fidel Castro goes on to his just desserts, which I might add, will not be a great sugarcane field in the sky.

And for those of you who didn't realize it, Dave is running for President, a difficult task for someone who neither wears a suit nor spreads his cheeks in return for campaign donations. Because of the threat of assassination (or more likely, plagiarism), Dave never travels without a trio of Secret Service Agents. (Not the ones who rousted 81-year-old Dan Tilli of Bethlehem, PA).

In the dark glasses, flanking Dave, that's me in front, Scott Turow on the left, and Ridley Pearson on the right.



So far, no one's taken a shot at Dave...not even with a Key Lime Pie.


EDGAR, CORNELIA AND ME

Many thanks to everyone who e-mailed me with congrats on the Edgar Allen Poe nomination for "The Deep Blue Alibi." And my own huzzah-huzzah for Cornelia's nomination for "A Field of Darkness." Cornelia and I will have fun hanging out together and rubbing shoulders with the publishing pooh-bahs in New York. More later.

(Final note: If Poe were alive today, Special Agent Born would bust him for possession of opium with intent to distribute...unless old Edgar agreed to blurb him).

By Paul

12 comments:

  1. "And no, Patty, the FDLE is not the "Florida Department of Lingerie Enthusiasts." It's the Florida Department of Law Enforcement."

    Methinks you're mistaken, Paul. I'm almost positive that black lace teddy in my underwear drawer came from one of their agents.

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  2. Okay, it's 11:30 a.m. Eastern Time and still no retort from Agent Born? Jim, my friend, you are going to have to be much quicker than that to run in the same crowd as the likes of Paul-I-Know-All-Your-Secrets-Levine. Welcome to the Naked Family, and for now, think of me as the older sibling who went off to college and will be writing home way too often. Note to Naked Author Fans: Please be kind when you tune in expecting to find Patty, Jacqueline, Cornelia, Paul or Jim . . . and surprise! You get me. All the best, James

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  3. "Methinks you're mistaken, Paul. I'm almost positive that black lace teddy in my underwear drawer came from one of their agents."

    Oo-er, Patty! Did you take a - shock-horror - bribe? Mind you, it sounds as if was worth it. :-D

    Terribly witty, James. And yes, I do wish the SS (er, that's Secret Service) would stop waisting tax-payer's money on stupid attempts to make themselves look busy. Aren't they supposed to be bothering REAL 'evildoers'?

    Cheers
    Marianne

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  4. Er, that should have been 'wasting'. Sorry - must have first cup of coffee to function properly. Or at least thaw out fingers enough to type and think properly. :-D

    Marianne

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  5. Welcome, James B!!!!

    We've monogrammed a locker for you already--a place to leave your clothes while blogging amongst the Naked. (padlock not included....)

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  6. I was sitting at the gym on one of my 20+ minute bike rides to nowhere, watching Hillary and Obama coverage--gee, the election's not for TWO FREAKIN' YEARS--and although I'm all for Hillary being Pres and Bill being First Lady, I just know that being at the top of the draw 600 or more days prior to the election is going to mean that come the Michigan Primary none of these people will even remain on the ballot.

    So DAVE--THIS COULD BE YOUR YEAR.

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  7. Now it is 6:00 pm Eastern time and I will respond. I just got home from work and was greeted by Paul's welcome. It is better than I deserve or expected.

    Paul and I are friends and therefore I thought I'd be roasted. He expalined me and my books as well as as could.

    I am very happy to join this blog and these writers. As I told Patty Smiley the other day, It's only a matter of time before you are embarassed to be associated with me.

    The clock starts now!

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  8. Hi Jim,

    Welcome to this wonderful lunacy! Clothes optional. :-D

    Cornelia: Put Jim's clothes back in his locker NOW! No Dark and Stormy's for you...well, maybe one. :-D

    Marianne

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  9. Welcome James, good to have you on board, though I have to confess, I am a bit shaky about people in photos with guns. And men who talk to their wrists, Paul, just really freak me out (I was in Vail some years ago and managed to get myself mixed up in President Ford's security detail and spent fifteen minutes on a chair lift sitting next to a guy who talked into his ski pole - very strange, I thought).

    And this site must be doing something right - my mother asked me a couple of weeks ago whether it ever crossed my mind that "people" (read: Big Brother) might be reading what we write - I think she's worried the heavies will turn up at my door in the middle of the night. Heck, bring it on, as the Decider in Chief would say, and here's our new lad, James, to join the fray! Welcome again, James, we look forward to reading your posts

    Patty - a black lace teddy?

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  10. Our J, what can I say? I have a dark-teddy side that I rarely expose except on Naked Authors.

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  11. Naked Authors seems like a very appropriate place for Jim Born, since, as we all know, he writes male erotica. I believe his first was Locker Room Liaisons, but you might want to ask Jeff Shelby about that...

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  12. I hope never to see the words "James O. Born" and "naked" used in such close proximity ever again.

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