Wednesday, December 06, 2006

In Which I Reveal My Huge Mix-Tape Geekness...

By Cornelia

[p.s. This just in: my paperback is up on Amazon--YAY! due out July 11th, 2007....]

This morning's post is going to be pretty much babbling, and I don't even have a cool cocktail recipe like Paul did yesterday. It will contain a confession, but it is a really oddball confession marking me as a huge geek.

Here goes:

I suspect that there's this specific kind of software invention out there already which I totally yearn for, but which I have avoided trying to find because I figure owning it would be my total downfall. Before I actually describe it, I would like to state for the record that if you know what it's called and/or where I can get it AFTER I describe it, please do NOT tell me, because having it in my possession would be the evil time-suck vortex of doom, and I already have enough of those in my life what with reading blogs and playing online mah-jong solitaire and Bounce-Out and stuff like that.


Because I have less willpower than an addication-study lab rat with, like, a circuit board sticking out of its head.

I'm serious. Do not tell me. Cross your heart and hope to die, stick a needle in your eye. And that means you, Sandra Ruttan, because I bet you think it would be funny, but it would SO not be, okay? Seriously...


Here it is:

Software that lets you slice up songs and then stick the pieces back together in random ways.

I know what you're saying. You're saying, "but Cornelia, that's really stupid. How could you possibly live in fear of software that lets you slice up songs and then stick the pieces back together in random ways (STLYSUSATSTPBTIRW)? Besides which, it's not at all interesting or funny, so what a dopy thing to pick as a blog post subject. Go have more coffee."

Cha. Easy for you to say, because YOU are not a slave to the process of creating the perfect mix tape (unless you actually are, in which case you know what I'm talking about and are probably nodding in commiseration right about now).

And I know that nobody actually makes mix tapes any more, except for probably a handful of die-hard vegan celibate Luddites in Uttar Pradesh or wherever.

We make CDs for each other, these days. We don't actually need the speed-dub button on the old dual cassette boombox, anymore. Even me, since the onset of Napster and iTunes and Limewire and Kazaa and the MP3, generally--not to mention the advent of DJs with ginormous soundboards making professional-caliber mashups of Donovan and Imari Coppola, or Elvis with meth-powered club percussion, or The Beatles and that Hip-Hop guy... plus Moby, etc.

But oh, back in the old days! I like to think I had a certain infamy in my tiny circle for le mix juste... juxtaposing Jello Biafra and Joni Mitchell and the Trogs and Jerry Lee Lewis and the Ink Spots and Narvel Felts' cover of "Maybelline"--with tight segues and no little resulting wry sub-text, if I do say so myself--although my personal best was the time I intercut the respective Roches and London Philharmonic versions of Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus," one February in Williamstown.

And that last mix of the Dualing Handels led me to attempt my heretofore unfinished masterpiece.... that being a mashup of


AKA "Ride of the Valkyries" meets the Godfather of Soul, to wit:

duh da duh duh-da, duh da duh DUH-da, duh da-duh DUUUUUH/WAAAA! I feel GOOD (doo-da doo-da doo-da DOO)....

Only my tapedeck broke before I could find a sound clip of Robert Duvall saying "You wanna fight, or you wanna surf?" from Apocalypse Now to lace in there somewhere, and, lo these many years and cross-country moves later, the original cassette is long gone.

BUT, now I have MP3s of everything I'd need to make a whole psych0 uber-mix freaking Ring Cycle out of that idea, and (cue Oscar Goldman's voiceover from the opening credits of The Six Million Dollar Man: "We have the technology... we can rebuild him.......") could see myself totally disappearing down the rabbit-hole of it as a perennial project, which I'm sure no one would want to listen to but me ANYWAY.

So... I will try to restrain myself from Googling for the freeware that might make that a possibility, because I have way too much to do already and could not survive a further timesuck distraction, I don't think.

But in the meantime, here is the playlist of my favorite CD mix made in the last year, and I'd love to hear what you guys cue up for yourselves in the meantime:

  1. Robert Duvall's "I love the smell of Napalm in the morning" speech
  2. "Susie Q" by CCR
  3. A thrashing punk cover version of "Surfin' USA"
  4. Same of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"
  5. "Bohemian Like You" by the Dandy Warhols
  6. "I Wanna Be Sedated" by Shonen Knife
  7. "Shotgun" by Jr. Walker and the All-Stars
  8. "Money" by the Flying Lizards
  9. "Hound Dog" by Big Mama Thornton
  10. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" in German
  11. "Iko Iko" by the Dixie Cups
  12. "Sweet Georgia Brown" by Brother Bones (which I still love from the Harlem Globetrotters' cartoon show when I was little)
  13. "Bye-Bye Blues" by Les Paul and Mary Ford
  14. "Linus and Lucy" by Vince Guaraldi
  15. "Twin Guitar Boogie" by Bob Wills and his Texas Playboys
  16. "Brazil" by Django Rinehart
  17. "You're Wondering Now" by the Specials
  18. "Israelites" by Desmond Dekker
  19. "Light my Fire" by Groove Armada
  20. "One Way Out" by the Allman Brothers
  21. The little soundbite from Fast Times at Ridgemont High
  22. where Sean Penn is saying goodbye to the guy from My Favorite Martian ("Aloha, Spicoli..." "Aloha, Mr. Hand......")
And aloha to all of you, too...... thank you for dropping by, and happy Wednesday!


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. (Bad link, let's try that again.)

    Fortunately for you, I don't know what it's called, but I do know that such a thing exists because on the radio yesterday I heard a version of "99 Luft Balloons" where they had cut the English and German versions together, seemlessly. It was cool.

    p.s. text

  3. Well, my very favorite mix is one you made for me, Miss Cornelia. I lerve it to pieces.

    I don't get into the technology any farther than it takes to do shuffles on my iPod. My current favorite has about 120 songs on it, including bunches of: Herbie Hancock; Santana; Miles Davis; Django Rinhart; Aerosmith; Stevie Ray Vaughan; Led Zeppelin; and the 'Cornelia Mix'.

    My other favorite is lots of Vince Guaraldi. And by the way, have you seen the "Hey Ya Charlie Brown" thing on YouTube, where they've put the Outkast tune to the Linus & Lucy video from "A Charlie Brown Christmas"? It's totally rad.


  4. By the way: Where it says "text", substitute "Muffins". That is all.

  5. I have only one question: Where did you find that picture of me in my winged helmet?

  6. Okay, I had a good snicker. Good onya Cornelia for being so strong. So, what do you think of the splicing of The Doors "Riders on the Storm" and Blondie's "Rapture" - now released as "Rapture Riders" on the (I think) latest Blondie album?

    We love it!!

    Hang in there, lady. Don't give in or you'll kiss time goodbye...


  7. Hey there all you guys, thank you for reading this--I wasn't sure it entirely made sense once I'd posted it.

    Daisy, do the muffins/shoes youtube people have more stuff? Do you know them? Can we get their autograph?

    Patty, that is ME in the winged helmet, but nice try.

    Marianne, now you've got me thinking of "Ride of the Valkyries on the Storm..." ai yi yi......

    And Rae, you are so so so awesome!

  8. "I Just Wanna Be Your Everything You Do Is Magic Carpet Ride of the Valkyries on the Storm"

    Mash and burn, baby. mash and burn.
    dj jazzy B

  9. Daughter Sadie and I did the traditional Whilst-Home-From-College-Watch-Everything-Cusack-Ever-Made viewing of High Fidelity - one of my all-time favorite Cusack movies (not too bad a book by Hornby too). He does the old-timey tape from vinyl deal in it.

    Anyhoo, the tape mixing thing - been there - my old favorite was one my friend Sarah made with Led Zepplin's D'yer Mak'er on it three times in a row since we got sick of rewinding the last tape she'd made over and over. Also on it were various Clash tunes - mostly from London Calling, some David Bowie and maybe Da-Da-Da by Trio?

    And then there was the 1985 tape I made of DC's WHFS's Weasel to take up with me to the Land of No Reception - otherwise known as college in the Berkshires. The Beatles's They Say it's Your Birthday, Pushing Up the Daisies by ?, and some other great tunes. I can't check which ones since Daughter Sadie has stolen those twenty year-old gems to... um...take back up with her to the Land of No Reception, otherwise known as college in the Berkshires.

    Right now, the mix I'm listening to is a commercial one - You Sleigh Me! somewhat alternative Christmas carols, with my fave - Merry Christmas From the Family by Jill Sobule.

  10. Ghost Valkyries in the Sturm Und Dragg? Vaughn Monroe and sister Marilyn?

    Tom, T.O.

  11. Merry Christmas From The Family?

    "Mom got drunk and dad got drunk.."???

    I know who wrote that one, and I don't see much way that anyone could improve upon the original by comering.


  12. "respective Roches and London Philharmonic versions of Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus,"

    oh god yes, please. I try very very VERY hard not to play/listen to/pay attention to Xmas music. I don't like it. Even if you LOVE it, after weeks of the stuff, oy. At the coffeehouse the other day, the one other customer and I gave the guy permission to change the music channel the boss had on. The renditions playin were the WORST - the tinkliest, sweetsiest cloyingiest, drummer boyiest versions. I'm not one of those "I challenge his manhood for liking ballet" or whatever (you know that, right? not me) - but sorry, NO MAN ever sang "our cheeks are rosy, and comfy and cozy are we" and meant it. OOEY. GOOEY.

    Stu and I used to host open houses on Christmas Day. We thought "hey, lots of our friends aren't observing this holiday (like us, Jewish or just not observant, or single or y'know) OR they ARE observing it but hooo, boy, they could use an excuse to get away from the family thingy, so we'd have a party. And I made a tape, finding that on all sorts of albums (yeah, LPs really honest) I had a surprising amount of Xmas music - cool stuff. Harry Belafonte (yum) doing "Virgin Mary had a baby boy". What I LOVED most on my tape was their Hallelujah Chorus. I SO love the idea of intercutting it with other stuff.

    My favorite Christmas song of all time, though, is by Bob Gibson. It's called "A Box of Candy and a Piece of Fruit" and it has, without question, THE BEST last line in a song. Ever.

    Bounce out? We can do better than that toots.

  13. Dearest Andi,

    PLEASE do not turn me onto any computer game that is better than Bounce Out, because that's bad enough already. I have weaned myself off it enough that I now only play it late at night when I'm half listening to a TV show that's not as good as I wish it were (MEDIUM, say, or CRIMINAL MINDS).

    Heidi, the title You Sleigh Me! is pretty damn good just by its own self. And I well remember the Berkshires as being the land of no reception, except stations from Albany (which amount to no reception, with which I'm sure Andi would concur).

    Brett, dude, MASH ON!

    And for anyone who would like to see true genius (and logic) used to smack down one of my least fave Xmas tunes of all time, check out Daisy's blog post of a couple of days ago about that stupid Band-Aid chorus extravaganza from some years ago...

  14. Aw, thanks! Just for that, I'll give you the link to Kelly/Liam's website, with a whole page of videos. Definitely check out Text-Message Breakup, just not with the kids in the room.

  15. p.s. The paperback looks fab!

  16. Miss C, the paperback cover is gorgeous! I must admit, I like it even better than the US hardcover. It would draw me in like a magnet.

  17. My two favorite mashups are Green Day/Oasis: Boulevard of Broken Dreams/Wonderwall and Led Snoopelin: Drop It Like It's a Whole Lotta Love.

  18. Oh, and:

  19. OMG, Cornelia, I figured you were cool just by reading your book, but this playlist of yours is proof positive. You are one hep kitten, girl.