Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The Giftie Gie Us

By Cornelia

If you are, like me, most often a last-minute gift seeker, I offer the following objets d'late start for your consideration (click on red title text for links to purchasing info):

Smitten Mittens

For the newly besotted duo on your list, here's a fleece mitten for two--comes with or without a pair of matching gloves for their non-perpetually-entwined paws. $11.95 with gloves, $9.95 without.

Chast-ity Gelt

Got a pal who's wry and sardonic? A true connoisseur of the finely wrought kvetch? Offer up the complete Roz Chast oeuvre in one volume.

Theories of Everything: Selected, Collected, and Health-Inspected Cartoons, 1978-2006 contains 600+ cartoons from everyone's favorite angst-meister. $45

Soccer Daaz

Load this baby up with dairy products, sugar, rock salt, ice--plus your favorite flavor-stuffs-- and put those bouncy housebound kids to good use. 30 minutes of tossing, passing, dribbling, etc.* and you've got a quart of homemade ice cream. $39.50 (cheaper in pint size).

(*Pele-style headbutting not recommended)

Think Again

This is a high-end prezzie, at around $225, but well worth the investment. I mean, who wouldn't want their very own think tank?

According to the evil geniuses who came up with it: "This glowing life-like brain in a bubbling self contained unit... come[s] fully assembled – (just add water!)"

It stands 47” tall and operates on standard 110 house current.

Primal Pillow

Got the Munch-ies? Squeeze this handsome cushion for a suitable shriek to express your true feelings about the holidays. Available in color or black-and-white. $27.95

Quack Attack

Spice up bathtime with a pair of Ninja Devil Duckies. These quack-ssassins are not for the faint of heart. $8.50 for two.

Outlook: Bleak

The perfect rubber-bracelet antidote to an overdose of seasonal schmaltz. Fully eggnog-proof. $5.95 for the set of three.

Change Your Spots

Fuzzy leopard embellishes "a stainless steel container that is contoured to fit discreetly in your pocket or purse." Why should your nearest and dearest settle for "hair of the dog"? $17.95

Jingle Arrrgh

Perfect for brown-bagging at Bouchercon. A mere $16.95, matey.

Mentos Noir

A hardboiled take on "the fresh-maker." 45 mints to the tin. Set of two, $4.95.

Book Tats

Know a librarian with cojones? Temporary body art for the literati, from "Read or Die" to "I (heart) the Dewey Decimal System." $7.95 for the full set.

Author Wear

Forge the uncreated conscience of your race in the smithy of your soul now, party later. Comes in olive or navy, Men's S to XXL. $17.99.

Dashing through the Snow, in a Home-made Trebuchet

Wooden war engine kits for the world-weary. Machiavelli never had it so good. Trebuchet, catapult, or ballista. Assembly required; batteries not. $19.99 to $29.99.

Cutting Edge

The Ex is "an innovative knife suspension system with individual protective knife sleeves for each blade." Includes five knives "made from heavy gauge durable stainless steel." Each slot magnetized to secure knives in the holder. $69.99.

Wake-up Shot

A hot cuppa whatever. Need I say more? $6.99.

Gifting and Nothingness

The gift of last resort, for those of indeterminate taste.... 48 flavor-free packs for a mere $12.95.

Ruh Roh!

Your very own mystery machine--with dual compartments and thermos! Just don't ask what kind of meat's in the sandwich... $13.95

Order Before Midnight, and We'll Throw in...

Only $59.99!!

What's the coolest gift you've run across so far this season?


  1. Where DO you get all these? Fun post. Not in the Christmas book section, but an interesting possibility nevertheless: A pop-up sex position book. It was shrink-wrapped, and so I am unable to review it for your readers.


  2. I love the ninja rubber duckies! And I'll trade my bottom of the line Henckels for the Ginsu knives, please.

    Okay - I'll spill my fave gift site since most of you all won't be giving to my same vast circle of relatives.
    It's A couple of years ago, the hubby got the "No, I Won't Fix Your Computer." tee and this year, a friend's son gets the ninja gun that shoots primed and ready ninja figures.
    For the bro - who makes secret spy stuff for a company that works for a company that works for an unnamed, unverified government agency, I always find something here that he just might not have invented yet for himself.

  3. You know that the Devil Duck is an all time favorite of mine. But the best present I've received this year (yeah, I know, I shouldn't have opened it yet) was a round, plastic purse (think 1950's) that says "It's So Fabulous Being Me."

  4. TTO, someone gave me the "Pop-Up Kama Sutra" as a bachelorette party gift years ago. It remains one of my all-time fave books--especially the "basket trick" page.

    Heidi, I love's where the trebuchet is from. I also really like their "MEH." flask, but figured it was too close to the leopard one.

    And Louise, I WANT THAT PURSE!!! So cool!!!!

  5. I should have known the trebuchet would be a thinkgeek item - same kid I'm giving ninja gun to this year got Backyard Ballistics book from there a few years back.
    Perhaps I should shop somewhere else for the poor boy...

  6. Archie McPhee is a great site, too. I want to go to the bricks and mortar version in Seattle someday. They have everything from bacon-scented band-aids to anatomically correct gummi hearts. Also Avenging Unicorn play sets and Librarian Action Figures...

  7. HI, Cornelia!

    The best gift I've seen is the DVD of GET SMART--every episode! It's a must-have for my son, but very nostalgic for me. When I was little, I wanted to BE Agent 99.

    But I love the nihilist gum. My students just finished Crime and Punishment and The Stranger, and I'm sure I've turned them all into atheists and nihilists. :)


  8. Aw man, I was gonna use that knife holder in the Good Idea/Bad Idea gift guide, but now everyone will think I'm copying. Anyway, here's one idea, I couldn't use, because my parents read my blog. Whatever you do, don't buy a used copy.

  9. Julia, nice timing on that reading list! You are a teacher after my own tiny black heart. And I would definitely like a shoe-phone a la Smart in my stocking.

  10. I want the Cutting Edge.

    And the Ninja Ducks.

    TTO, a pop-up sex position book? At least give us an ISBN!

  11. Daisy, I especially liked the "customers who bought this book also bought..." and "customers who viewed this book purchased..." sections.

  12. Thanks alot.....with all your suggestions, my shopping nightmare is over.

  13. Sandra: 1584793023 for the kama sutra version. Published by Martha Stewart's ex-husband. Hmmmm...

  14. Dear Anonymous--glad to be of help. This time of year, "you shop, we drop" is our motto here at Naked Authors.

  15. Dammit. Wish this had been up earlier - there's more than one item I would've liked on my wish list! Only you, Cornelia, dear.

    'Course, if I had an extra $60 bucks floating around I know who the Ginsu knives would have made a perfect gift for...

  16. Angie, M.G. Tarquini, "Arizona's Ginsu-tongued humorist" was EXACTLY who I was thinking of when I Googled "Ginsu." And I still think you are brilliant for calling her that.

  17. I WANTED those Ginsu knives until...until...well, until I read these last couple of comments! I have many, many knives and none can claim the tag of 'sharpest knife in the drawer'.

    Imagine what my twins could do with that soccer ball ice cream maker.

    This is my living room.

    This is my living room spattered in ice cream.

  18. M.G., I'd hate to see what my twins could do with that ice cream maker, too. Inside or out. Our living room might actually be IMPROVED by a layer of ice cream, however.


  19. Well, I happen to own a set of "The Ex" knives, given to me by a dear friend. I lerve them. But boy, those devil duckies look really kewl.

    (Great post, as usual ;-)

  20. I know you'll all be green with envy when I tell you this, but I HAVE a set of Ginsu knives and the hype is true. They slice and dice, baby. Next on my wish list is the WTF coffee mug.

  21. Patty, I am really happy to hear that Ginsu knives live up to the hype. Anyone ever own a Popeil Vegematic? I always wondered if they actually did make julienne fries...

  22. Martha Stewart's ex-husband?

    Okay, got anything to get that image out of my head, thank you very much?!

  23. Okay, I'm dating myself, BUT...anybody remember the bass-o-matic?

    "Mmmm...that's good bass."

    I'm going to google those knives and buy me a block o' 'em.

  24. Rae, I hold you and Miss M responsible for introducing me to "The Ex," of course.

    Mindy, I LOVE the Bass-O-Matic. Also the Popeil Pocket Fisherman, which seems somehow related. Meanwhile, if you click on the "Order before midnight" text, it will deliver you directly unto the Ginsu website.

    And beware all "Stewart, Tabori, & Chang"-published books, Sandra....

  25. I want this Radio Active watch. And I don't even wear a watch.

    It looks like something from a James Bond movie, you tell the time by adding the various lights. I could get used to that.

  26. Mary, WOW! That is the most bizarre looking watch I've seen since Roger Moore sawed through the rope around his hands when he was suspended over a shark tank in LIVE AND LET DIE...

    It looks wonderful, but also makes my head hurt a little, just thinking about trying to read it.

  27. I want the ice cream maker ball-thingie!

    I also want the "No,I Won't Fix Your Computer" t-shirt too. I've just spent the last week computech stuff for his deadlines for three clients AND building two blogs: one for me at 'Muse du Jour' (shameless plug, here) and one for him "Bob's Art du Jour". In between all of that, I'm juggling the cooking for all of the Christmas boxes that have to go out. Patty: the Christmas cakes came out great! Just finished making and packing the Kahlua biscotti.

    I know what I want for Christmas: another month. Sigh. Shopping in Boston tomorrow...

    Cheers to all of you gorgeously talented people. :-D

    PS: The Ninja Devil Duckie can keep me company while I watch the new Mission Impossible Season 1 DVDs.

  28. Marianne, you are a trouper. Computer genius PLUS kahlua biscotti? I am awed. If I had a spare month I would give it to you.

  29. Marianne, thanks for the nudge. Only eleven more baking days until Christmas. Here's to Flour Power!

  30. Cone, I know I'm late but can't resist putting in my 2 cents:
    The Unemployed Philosopher's Guild!! ( the Cheshire Cat mug with the disappearing cat, the Freudian Slippers, and the Einsteinian Relativity watch.
    Loved your list!! Ariel

  31. Think Geek?!!! TIMMY!!!! Timmy the monkey. I LOVE Timmy!

    But then I'm so spoiled - most of C's really nifty items are from MY HOME TOWN store, ARchie McPhee, who brought you the Librarian Action figure. I'm due to go there to shop (would have over the past few weeks as I had a ride lined up but between MRIs, colds, and windstorms, I still haven't been.)

    I admit to being madly in love iwth someething I got for my mom. I am a sucker for do-gooder stuff and shop at "" all the time. It's a donate for free site (and a legit one) that supports a bunch of causes and they have neat stuff - lots of fair trade and you know, baskets and hip cool I support the farmers stuff like us old hippie activists love. And I just bought my mom, well SHE doesn't get nuttin. But in her name, I bought a teddy bear. It's going to a kid in South Africa. I mean come ON, guys, how can you NOT want to support "Bears Without Borders" a real honestotgod 501C3 charity? i swear it.
    Second are the silliest soaps I've seen - one looks like a chocolate easter bunny, one like a creamsicle then there are the sushi soaps (they'd go GREAT with the sushi bath rug from Archie McPhee.)

  32. Cornelia-You MUST tell me immediately where to buy the rubber bracelets, the knife holder (my friend is actually looking for that one, I swear), the WTF mug (just so my kids don't get how I feel every morning) and of course the scooby doo lunch box because it would just make me happier whilst dealing with mundane task of making them lunch every morning. I must buy these, now!!

  33. Cornelia-You MUST tell me immediately where to buy the rubber bracelets, the knife holder (my friend is actually looking for that one, I swear), the WTF mug (just so my kids don't get how I feel every morning) and of course the scooby doo lunch box because it would just make me happier whilst dealing with mundane task of making them lunch every morning. I must buy these, now!!